Keeping secrets
by Dizzydream
Summary: Callie has learned from her past mistakes, realizing she is no longer alone in this world, or has she? Will the past effect the present? Will the family be able to help? Set in season 3A. Pretty OOC. TW- for self harm. Read carefully please. I own nothing.
1. Chapter 1

**Callie has learned from her past mistakes, realizing she is no longer alone in this. Or has she? Set in season 3. mild ooc. TW- for self harm. Let me know what** **you think and if you want this story to go on. Please no hate reviews, if you don't like don't read. Read carefully please.**

 **i do not own The Fosters or any characters.**

"You're fired." "Go Home." Those words keep repeating through her head as she walks home. There is nothing she can do about it. For once everything was going her way and then this happened. Of course she screwed up. Again.

The shock of the whole situation wearing of into anger, not at what happened but at herself. How could she be so blind? Trusting this person who she doesn't even know. There are so many different ways she could've handled this. Now she's disappointed the drop in center, herself, and worst of all she disappointed her moms. Oh gosh, when they find out they won't want to adopt her anymore. Its not official yet, and now it might not be. They say they want her, but maybe they don't.

She doesn't even know how long she was walking, too lost in her own head for time to actually mean anything anyway. However, neuxt thing she knows she is standing in front of the house, possibly her house. She knows she can't tell the moms, she needs to figure out how to fix this before she says anything.

As quietly as possible Callie enters the house and makes her way to the stairs, hoping that no one is home. Or if they are she is hoping that she can be quiet enough to not be detected. The other kids should still be out, so she's hoping she's stealthy enough to avoid the moms if they are home.

"Sweets" Stef says popping her head around the corner. Shit.

"Mmhmm" Callie mumbles, keeping her head down and trying to walk to the stairs.

U"You're home early love. I thought you were at the center today?"

"Yeah. Uhm. I was. Not busy so I left early. T-to get some work done for school. The, uh, summer class."

"That class just started, yes? Already got homework? Sounds like a tough one."

"Yup." Callie stated, using the break to dart up the stairs. Stef just watched the girl run up the stairs, the wheels turning in her head. Something was up and she was going to find out what it was.

Slipping into her room Callie slammed the door shut and launched herself onto the bed, finally letting the tears flow that she was trying so hard to contain. Though they felt endless in the moment she got to the point where she had no tears left. When she was all cried out she just laid there.

The thoughts spinning in her head. All those old foster homes where she was told how worthless she is coming back at a million miles a minute. How she always messed up, how she was bad and damaged. And what's worse, she finally started believing the thoughts again. This house started to wear away at those memories, placing positive ones in it's place. Now, however, she is starting to think they were right all along.

Then it happened, that itch came back. The itch under her skin that she hasn't felt since after the Olmstead's. The itch that she needed to scratch to make the thoughts go away. That no one could know about, that she had to hide. The itch that could only be cured with a blade. It was so hard to fight the itch with all the thoughts in her head. She messed everything up, so whats the point in fighting this? After all, at least in the moment, she felt it was right.

On the verge of catatonic, Callie rises and locks herself in the kids bathroom. Silent tears blurring her vision, her heart racing by the moment. Taking apart one of the disposable razors that she had in the bath, Callie double checks the doors are locked and slides down against the cold tile of the tub. Her hand shakes with the weight of the coming actions, once it's done there's no turning back.

As the cold steel kisses her skin she can't help but release a breath, one she never knew she was holding. The maddening thoughts flow away along with the blood that is streaming down her thigh. She presses a handful of tissues to the site, and the bad thoughts are replaced with guilt. Finally a good house and she keeps messing up. How much until they decide she's not worth it. And what if Jude figures it out? She promised him she stopped.

Callie knows this won't be the last time she does this, just hoping she won't get into the same spiral it caused before. She thinks once she fixes the whole situation, she'll go back to being the good girl she is supposed to be. Yes, this is only temporary, just to help her deal. At least she is trying to convince herself of that.

With that thought Callie finishes cleaning up her leg and wipes the tear stains from her cheeks. She heads back to her room, ready to cool off and try to actually get her homework done. To forget this whole day. But Callie stops dead in her tracks as she sees Stef.


	2. Chapter 2

**This story contains strong subject matter, please read safely. Thanks for the favs/follows/reviews! I appreciate the response to the first chapter, if you get the chance let me know what you think. I still dont own The Fosters or any charecters.**

Callie froze in place as she saw Stef standing there. How long has she been there? What does she know? Crap! I know the door was locked but maybe she knows somehow. Callie can feel her breathing increase in panic.

Stef, on the other hand, started to get confused and increasingly worried. She witnessed the change in the girl from the moment she stepped into the room. What happened in those few seconds to cause Callie to get so worried? Alarm bells were going off and she really needed to get to the bottom of this.

'Whats wrong sweets?" Stef asked, going for the straight forward approach as she took a step forward.

"Nothing!" Callie snapped out of her thoughts and her walls shot back up. Stefs eyebrow raised at the rollercoaster changes in the girls behavior today.

The teen took a step back, knowing that if Stef actually touched her she might break down and tell her whats going on. Things have changed so much since she first entered this house, she's bonded with this family and that terifies her. She was never supposed to feel like they were her parents too. She never wanted to care what they think. That's the whole problem in the first place, she doesn't want to tell them about the drop in center and disappoint them, and all that comes with the disappointment. She needs to figure out a way to fix this asap.

Their silence was broken by the front door closing. Stef sighed knowing that it means they might not get to the conversation she needed to have with the girl. Callie sighed hoping it was a break from this stare down she was currently having with Stef.

"I'm home from the meeting! Where are you honey?" Lena's voice was heard drifting up the stairs.

"The girls room!" Stef responded not moving. Callie cringed thinking now it was two against one, she didn't like these odds.

Moments later, Lena popped her head in and entered, sensing the tension she looked at her wife then looked over at Callie. The girl looked scared, although she seemed to be trying to play it strong. What happened?

"You okay Callie?" Lena asked, concern lacing her voice.

"Fine!" Callie snapped back. At the looks she recieved she calmed her voice. "yeah, I'm fine." she said dropping her head. Why do they keep asking her that? Can't they just leave it be? What's with these people and checking in?

That's when Lena's eye caught something. She looked to Stef and eyed her to look at the teens leg. It took a second but Stef finally caught on, and she saw it too. There were some messy dressings peaking out from under her shorts, they looked fresh and a few were mildly saturated.

"What happened to your leg?" Stef asked in her mom voice that brokered no bargaining. She expected a truthful answer and was going to get one. Lena placed her hand on Stef's arm, letting her know to breathe before she gets into it with their soon to be oldest daughter. They are both stubborn and things have the chance to get heated if they don't take a chance to calm down.

Having their silent discussion the moms failed to notice the increased breathing of Callie until they heard her gasping for breath. The girl had stumbled back into the bathroom and before they could stop her she closed and locked the door. Putting a wall between them again, literally this time. Calle couldn't help but to wonder what she was going to do now, what was going to happen to her? She didn't know if she could come up with some sort of story they would believe. However, she had a feeling locking herself in the bathroom again she wouldn't be able to come up with a believable lie. She sliently kicked herself for screwing up again today.

The moms weren't fast enough to the bathroom door as it closed and clicked locked. Stef tried to open the door anyway and it didn't budge. They could hear the girl gasping for breath and what they guessed was her trying to control tears as they heard the occasional sniffle. They looked at each other stricken with worry. Whatever was going on it was serious, the last time they could remember her showing this much emotion was after Franks funeral.

"What the heck happened?" Lena whispered to her wife., backing them up from the door enough that they could talk without being overheard.

"I have no idea! She came home early from the center and made up some excuse about homework. She looked like she was going to cry then ran upstairs. I came up to check on her but she was in the bathroom for a good half hour, then she came out with red eyes. I was just trying to ask her what happened when you came home." Stef whispered back.

Lena took a deep breath. "We're going to figure this out and fix it, okay? She's not alone anymore." Lena tried to reassure Stef. Stef nodded then left the room returning with the bathroom key. They have keys to all the rooms inthe house, having little ones they made sure they could get into any room they needed. When the twins first came to them Mariana used to lock herself in closets when she was scared, after the first time they never wanted to not be able to reach any of their children.

Stef pushed the key into the lock the moms both took deep breaths, hoping they would be ready to see what was on the other side of that bathroom door. Holding their breath they slowly pushed the door open.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for the response to last chapter, i appreciate the favs/follows/reviews. If you get the chance let me know what you think. This is a story with a strong subject matter, please read carefully. And i still do not own The Fosters or any characters.**

Stef and Lena pushed the door open, not quite knowing what to expect. They were thinking a scared or crying girl, she looked so lost in the room moments before. They were thinking many possibilities but it not this. The bathroom was empty. Callie must've left through the other door. But, how did Stef not see her when she went to get the keys? More importantly, where is the teenager now?

"Seriously?" Stef whispered, her frustration that Callie ran evident. She was just hoping she didn't run too far. Stef didn't know wheter to be more worried with the earlier show of fear or with the fact she was so afraid she was running agin. Lena was worried too, she's run before and is hoping that Callie didn't leave the house. They both scanned the room and te boys room, looking for any hints.

"Callie! Callie get out here right now!" Stef called as she and Lena looked though all the rooms upstairs.

"She's clearly scared of something already, please don't make her more afraid" Lena tried to remind Stef to take a breath.

"I know. But she doesn't understand her doing this scares me."

"We'll find her. She's so close to being ours, we won't let her run this time."

The moms prepare to look on the first level and outside, making their way down the stairs when they see the teen sitting on the couch downstairs apparently reading a book. She looks as if nothing just happened, as if she didn't just give Stef and Lena a heart attack by disappearing. For some reason this gets under Stefs skin, she marches over to the couch and pulls the book out from her hands.

"Hey! that's mine!" Callie snaps at the intrusion.

"It's mine now sweets." Stef says in a no nonsense voice. "Want to explain what the heck that was?!"

"What was? Reading? It involves words and characters and scenes in a plot." Callie sarcastically replies

"Oh you like scenes? How about you tell me what that scene was upstairs?" Stefs voice starts to rise.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Her walls strengthening in every moment. She can handle confrontation, she spent her life handling confrontation. It's the moments where they care she doesn't know what to do. But this? she got this. She squares her shoulders and sets her jaw.

"Playing dumb Callie? Really? That's not going to work!" Stef exclaimed.

Lena steps in to this quickly escalating situation. These two are too stubborn for their own good. Placing her hand on Stefs shoulder Lena steps closer to the teen.

"You know we are here for you Callie, right?" Lena says in her motherly voice. Callie whips her head from the staring contest with Stef to look at Lena. the stubbornness turns to sadness. Of course she knows they care, she wouldn't feel so guilty if they didn't.

"Callie?" Lena says again, as Callie hasn't responded, losing herself in her thoughts.

"Uhm, yeah. I know." She affirmed.

"Okay, good. Then what are you so afraid of?" Lena asked as gently as possible.

'That you won't care anymore' Callie wanted to say but refrained. Instead responding with a shrug of the shoulder. Knowing this conversation could take awhile the moms sat down on the couch on either side of the teen.

"We can't help if we don't know what's wrong." Stef tried to encourage her to talk.

"Nothing's wrong." Callie mumbled, fiddling with her fingers.

"Sweets." Stef said trying to discourage the blatant lie. "We know something's wrong. We have all day." The moms looking over her head having a silent conversation about how they want this to play out. Stef wanting to push her to talk, and Lena thinking they should wait until she's ready to talk on her own.

Callie for her part got stuck in the dizzying spiral of negative thoughts in her head. Trying to come up with ways she can get out of this discussion.

Just then they heard the front door slam and the conversation between Jude and Mariana drift through the door. Callie released a breath knowing this could have just saved her from the sighed knowing that they probably wouldn't continue this conversation tonight.

"Hey! no door slamming!" Stef said as she got to her feet. Looking back to Callie she added in a softer voice "This conversation is not over" as she went to greet the other kids and hear what the plans for the rest of the day were.

"Whatever it is that's got you so concerned, you can talk to us. You know when you take a sandwich and give someone half you're left with less, the same happens when you share your problems." Lena said pulling the girl into a side hug before getting up and heading to the kitchen.

Callie sat in a stupor before getting up. What just happened? She wasn't sure but was hoping she just got away with this. She headed to find Jude and hear about his day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for all the response to this story, I appreciate it. Let me know what you think if you get the chance. This is a story with some strong subject matter, please read carefully. And I still don't own The Fosters or any characters.**

The night went on without incident. At dinner Callie was fairly quiet, but the moms were expecting that behavior. No one really picked up on it except Jude, who kept glancing her way. She tried to reassure him that she was alright, although Jude didn't believe her he didn't want to make her more upset by asking questions. Jude figured he could ask her later. Callie also avoided being alone with either mom, sticking close to Jude or Mariana.

Since it was a Friday that meant family movie night, which was fine by everyone. Partway through the movie popcorn was eaten and everyone was sprawled across the living room. Callie was so caught up in the movie she forgot about the day for a bit. Therefore, when she needed to use the bathroom she didn't think twice about getting up and heading out of the room alone. Stef and Lena shared a look, lena resting her hand on her wife's forearm for a moment. They shared a look reminding Stef to be gentle and she quickly followed Callie out of the room.

As Stef stood there, waiting outside the bathroom door, she thought of what approach she should take in approaching the teenager. Callie for her part actually only had to use the restroom and was quickly done. She jumped when she opened the door and saw Stef standing there with her arms crossed and a serious expression adorning her face.

"You've been playing quite the game of hide and seek tonight." Stef stated raising her eyebrow.

"And it wasn't even game night." Callie quipped back, both smirked at the comment.

"How about we take a little detour to the kitchen on the way back?" She stated more than asked.

"I would hate to miss some big plot twist." The teen said as she tried to move away and back to the safety provided by being around others to not have this conversation. Stef, on the other hand, had enough of this dodging.

"It wasn't a question."

"Sure sounded like one Stef"

"Fine. Sweets, go to the kitchen. Now." Stef said placing a hand on the small of the girls back. "Better?"

Callie knowing she just lost scoffed in response and shuffled her feet as slow as possible to the kitchen. The teen sat at the farthest stool at the table, but Stef just moved to sit next to her. The sounds from the action movie were wafting into the kitchen, making Callie feel more detached from the family then she already felt. Dropping her head and playing with her hands she wasn't going to make it easy for Stef.

"What is going on with you love?" Stef leaned closer to her soon to be daughter and dropped her voice to the verge of whispering.

"Nothing" was the mumbled reply.

"Mama and I are worried about you. We can't help if we don't know whats wrong." Stef encouraged.

"Nothing is wrong." Callie mumbled again, still not raising her head. Stef tried not to smile at the blatant lie, who did she think she was fooling?

"If nothing is wrong then why can't you look at me?"

"I can. I just don't want to." Her voice hovering at a whine. Callie knew she couldn't look Stef in the eye and lie to her, Stef knew that too.

"Then look at me, please." Stef said in a bit firmer of a voice.

Whether it actually took ten minutes or it felt like ten minutes was up for debate, but finally Callie raised her head and their eyes caught. Callie could see the love and concern in her soon to be moms eyes. Stef could see the fear and pain in her daughters. She could also see them well with tears she was trying not to let fall.

"Come here love" Stef said pulling the girl into her arms. Although the body she embraced stiffened at the contact, she relaxed and wrapped her arms around the woman. Soon after Stef could feel the tears From Callies face dripping onto her skin. Stef started whispering reassurances into her ear.

As the movie was ending Lena made her way to the kitchen to check on the situation. She found them still in the embrace. Offering a sad smile to her wife she nodded to the living room, indicating the end to the silence. Stef nodded and whispered something into Callie's ear, which was soon followed by a shaking head. After another unknown comment was whispered Callie backed away and wiped at her eyes with her sleeve. Lena smiled over at Callie once her face was revealed, despite the tear tracks adorning her cheeks Callie offered a small smile back.

"Go get washed up for bed and changed and meet us in our room please." Stef instructed Callie. Callie just nodded, although unsure if she should actually follow the direction to go to moms room. Lena embraced her in a half hug as she went to leave and the other kids started bounding around the house again.

"Everything alright?" Lena asked with a raised brow.

"I'm okay, but I don't think she is. I don't really know whats going on, but she just cried. The last time i saw her cry like that was after the funeral." Stef said with a far off look.

"That means she's starting to feel safe here. It's a good thing." Lena offered as she walked up and wrapped her wife in her arms.

"Let's head up before she changes her mind." Lena said grasping Stefs hand as they approached the stairs.

"That's if she went to our room at all." Stef pointed out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay guys, this is a longer chapter because I couldn't find a good place to stop it. This is the beginning of finding out. Thank you for all the favs/follows and i greatly appreciate any reviews. This story contains strong content, please read carefully. I still do not own The Fosters or any characters. Let me know what you think.**

Stef and Lena headed up the stairs towards their room. They stopped as the doorway appeared, slightly surprised to see Callie pacing awkwardly in their room. She looked stressed and ready to run. Not wanting to waste time Stef squeezed Lena's hand and they finished the short trek. For her part it appears Callie was too lost in her own head to realize anyone entered.

"Take a breath Sweets. Relax." Stef snapped Callie back into the present. The teen stopped pacing but made no other movement or recognition of the women. How could she relax with all of this happening? She didn't want this conversation but didn't want to get kicked out of the house either.

"Callie, please sit down." Lena said softly as they entered the room. Sitting on the edge of the bed, the moms sat on either side of her, close enough to comfort her if needed but far enough to give her some space. The girls eyes dropped to the ground as her hands fidgeted. The moms share a quick look and Lena starts the conversation.

"You've had time to think about this talk, and probably went through all the scenarios you could think of. All the ways things could go wrong, all the reactions. But, I want you to know, we are asking because we care and want to help. We aren't going to send you away, we aren't going to give up on you. You don't have to be strong all the time, you're not alone anymore. It's okay to ask for help, or accept it when it's offered." Although Callie made no move to respond, Lena noticed her fidgeting calmed down, at least she seemed to be listening. She reached out to grasp her hand and provide some sort of grounding, Callie didn't try to move her hand away.

"We know this is going to be hard love, but we have to have this discussion. You have to know you can come to us whenever you need to. Whether it's because you got a good grade and want us to celebrate with you, or you're having a bad day and need a movie night. It's just as important to share the good and the bad things. And we want to be there for you in both aspects, but we can't if we don't know whats going on. You need to try to trust us, I know you don't have a good history with people being trustworthy, however, I think we've at least started trying to prove ourselves, we haven't and we will not give up on you. You're our daughter, that means you aren't going anywhere" Stef reiterated.

"I'm not" Callie mumbled so quietly it was almost missed.

"What?" Stef asked.

"I'm not your daughter. Not yet." Callie said a little more strength finding its way into her voice. "We've been through a lot and I'm still not adopted. One of these times when they take me away you aren't going to want me back." Lowering her voice to a whisper she adds "you'll realize I'm not worth it."

"I'm not going to let them take you away." Stef said firmly.

"No!" Callie firmly stated as she launched herself back to her feet. "You don't get to say that. You don't get to make promises you can't keep. They took me before and they can take me again. You don't get to dismiss me, dismiss my thoughts. They're perfectly rational, and there is nothing you can do when they come knocking on my door telling me to pack my bag. It's not permanent until I have that paper, and don't try to pretend otherwise. It just makes it worse."

"We aren't dismissing your feelings love. We want to help you process them. And if, IF, something did happen we would fight for you until we go you back. You are a part of this family. At least as long as you want to be. Do you not want to get adopted?" Lena questions.

"No, of course I do."

"Then whats going on in your head, love?" Stef asks.

"I just-" Callie sighed and sat back down. "Nothing."

They sat there in silence, giving everyone a chance to process the words being spoken. Lena started running circles on Callies back, Stef took hold of one of her hands. They sat there quietly, letting the silence engulf them, until Stef couldn't hold back the questions in her head.

"Can you tell us what happened with your leg? And why?"

"I just couldn't handle it anymore. It's just a scratch really, just enough to help."

"Can you show us?" Stef didn't know if she should ask, but they needed to know what they were dealing with. Callie nodded slightly and raised the hem of her pant leg and removed the bandage she covered the cut with. Both moms gasped, not but the severity of the would, just at the fact someone they cared about so much would do this to herself. They all took a deep breath and Callie re-covered the wound.

"Okay." Stef said as both moms took another deep breath, trying to hold back the tears from their eyes. "How long have you been hurting yourself?"

"This is the first time in this house! I swear! I didn't want to ruin anything!" Callie tries not to get worked up too much, but can't stop the panic creeping in. "I screwed up again, like always."

"You didn't screw up love. You were hurting, and didn't know what to do with that. We're going to work on that with you. We aren't going to push you tonight, we just want to know so we can help." Lena responds. Adding in the last bit to warn Stef not to push Callie.

Stef jumps in "We won't, this conversation is going to be a lot longer than just one day. You're not in trouble but there are going to be precautions until we know you are safe."

Callie doesn't even try to hide the shock adorning her face. "W-what? What do you mean precautions?"

"We're going to be checking in with you on a

regular basis We're also going to talk to Dr. Kodema about this and see what her ideas to best help you are. Okay, honey?" Lena tries to stay calm, but she sees Callie tense. Callie just nods, her eyes sticking to the floor.

"Anything you want to ask us or add?"

"Do you have to tell the others?"

"Mom and I need to talk about that. We'll let you know." Lena responds. "Any way you're thinking that we can help you?"

"No. Thanks." Callie mumbles, dropping her gaze again.

"If you think of anything, you'll let us know?" Lena confirms.

"Yeah." Came the unconvincing response.

"You okay? Having bad thoughts right now?" Stef prods.

"No. just tired."

"Okay, Callie. You can go to your room, we'll be in to say goodnight soon." Stef wasn't sure if she was telling the truth or not, but was going to at least try to give her the benefit of the doubt. She also wasn't going to leave Callie alone for long, but she needed to talk with Lena about the transpired events and next steps.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N- So this chapter is a bit short. I haven't gotten much feedback on the last few chapters. you still reading? Is there something you want to see happen? Thoughts on how is if so far? If you have a chance please drop a line so I know if you want me to continue. On that note. Thanks for the favs/follows/reviews i have gotten.**

"So what do we do, love?" Stef asks

"We protect her the best we can and talk to her therapist in the morning to let her know and see what ideas she has for helping her." Lena tries to calmly respond.

"I don't like seeing my babies hurting." Stef quietly states.

"I know. Me too." Lena says pulling Stef into an embrace. They stay there holding each other, not wanting to let go and face reality. Eventually they realize they must, in a house full of kids they don't get much time to be alone with each other.

Making their way across the hallway they enter the boys room and tuck them in. Then they enter girls room to find Mariana reading and Callie staring at the ceiling. They left left a kiss on both girls foreheads and made sure Callie knew she could wake them up if she needed.

Entering their room they made preparations for bed and just laid there in silence holding each other. They stayed in this position as they fell asleep, and woke in the same one a few hours later when they heard a terrifying yell coming from the girls room. They raced in there to see Mariana sitting up, still dazed from sleep looking over at her sisters bed. Callie still appeared asleep but was thrashing around and mumbling incoherently. Lena went and tucked Mari back in bed as Stef went over to Callie and tried waking her up.

It took a few minutes but Callies eyes finally fluttered open. She was still disoriented and half asleep. Before Callie really even knows whats going on Stef has led her into the master bedroom and sat her on the bed.

"Nightmare?" Stef asks. Callie nods but doesn't make a move to talk.

"You're going to stay with us tonight okay" Lena says. Callie just crawls under the covers and starts to fall back asleep. She knew there was no point in fighting them, and even if there was she didn't have the energy to try.

"Guess we'll talk to her about it in the morning?" Stef says laughing as she plants a kiss on her wifes cheek. They all go back to sleep for the night.

What seems like moments later Stef is woken up by a whack to her stomach. Callie is thrasing and whimpering in her sleep. Stef decides to see if Callie will go back to a calm sleep on her own. Minutes later Callie hasn't stopped moving around. As gently as possible Stef tried shaking the girls shoulder to wake her.

Instantly Callie shot straight up, sweaty and panting for breath. She looked around disoriented and her eyes landed on Stefs, whose was filled with concern and love. Finally, Lena roused from her sleep too.

"What's wrong?" Lena asked. Callie just shook her head, still trying to dislodge the images of the nightmare from her head. Stef went to touch her arm but refrained knowing that she needed to calm down before she'd be able to accept any comfort.

Why did these nightmares come back? Seemingly out of nowhere. As Callie finally oriented she started feeling that itch under her skin. She was just getting her breath back and she started to loose it again. She was feeling helpless and utterly overwhelmed. She needed to cut. She started going through in her head how she could get to something sharp without moms knowing.

The teen was shaking as she tried to get out of bed. Stef slid out of bed with her, asking where she was going and if she was okay. The girl didn't trist her words and just nodded her head in response. She started going towards the bathroom, but Stef was right on her heels.

She stopped and turned in the doorway, clenching her fists.

"Privacy?" Callie said with a hint of attitude.

"Watch yourself. And yes you can have privacy, leave the door unlocked though." Stef responded, keeping her voice steady although she felt anything but.

Callie quickly entered the bathroom and did her buisness. She flushed and turned on the water of the sink. After washing her hands she kept the water running and started scrummaging the bathroom. Frustratingly enough Lena was good at clearing out the bathroom of sharp supplies. However, too bad for moms that if Callie wanted to hurt herself she would find a way.

Taking a pair of tweezers and snaping it she now had two sharp pieces of metal. Callie was so focused she didn't even realize how much time was passing. Stef however was counting the seconds. On the other side of the door the water has been running for awhile.

"You okay?" Stef said knocking gently on the door. As there was no answer how hand reached for the knob.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N- Thank you for the responses to last chapter, I'm glad to know people are still reading. I appreciate all the favs/follows/reviews. Hope you all like this chapter. If you get a chance i always like to hear what you think. So, back to the story; does Callie get caught?**

"You okay?" Stef said knocking gently on the door. As there was no answer her hand reaches for the knob.

Stef heard some commotion in the room but no response, so cautiously she opened the door.

Inside the bathroom Callie was startled by Stefs voice and tries to clean up the mess before the woman tries to enter the room. Shoving the broken tweezers in her pocket she shut all drawers and quickly shoved her hands back under the running water. She let out a small gasp as the temperature was hotter than she expected, but holding to the lie that she was fine she left her hands under the barrage of heat. It also helped to distract her for a moment from the flight of thoughts in her head that caused her to want to harm in the first place.

"Sweets?" Stef asks peeking into the room. Callie was standing at the sink, staring intently at her hands. With a quick glance Stef decided the bathroom looked normal, giving up no hints as to what the shuffling was. The woman was distracted when she looked back at the girl still as a statue, her hands bright red standing out against the porcelain sink.

"Love!" stef exclaimed while turning off the hot water and switching on the cold to stop the burning. This brought Callie out of the trance,she gasped at the sharp change in temperature and pulled back. The teen risked looking in the eyes of her mom, she saw worry and fear and love. While her own eyes gave off fear and pain and suprise. The last one caught both off guard. Did she really not realize what she was doing?

"I'm sorry... i didn't mean... I didn't realize..." Callie rambled as she tried to explain she may have left her hands for a moment but didn't mean to zone out in the pain of the hot water like she did.

"Shhh... shhh... it's okay Sweets. Come here." Stef said as she opened her arms to the girl. Callie hesitantly entered the embrace, moments later wrapped her arms around the parental figure and held on for dear life. This was the first time she actually remembers just going blank, sure she zones out at times but never when hurting herself. Thats part of why she finds herself doing it- to get away from everything and catch her breath again. To just slow down the thoughts, to be able to breathe again, releasing some of the pressure that builds up inside.

These actions concerned Stef more than hearing the rustling from the other side of the door. Its rare she saw any emotion from the girl, and although she initiated the hug Callie was definitely returning it. After a few moments Callie pulled back, she looked to the doorway, then to Stef, then back to the doorway.

"No you don't. No running away anymore" Stef said and callie looked back shocked as stef basically read her mind.

"I wasn't..."

"Yes, you were. But lets pretend I believe you. We still need to talk." Stef says as she rests her hand on the girls back and leads her to her bed sitting the girl down.

"Get comfortable, this could take awhile." Lena says as everyone finds comfortable spots. Callie is still fidgeting though, the tweezers poking into her leg. However she knew she couldn't reach to fix it or moms would potentially catch her. So instead she squirmed around trying to find a comfortable position.

"Last i checked i didn't leave any peas under the mattress. Did you?" Stef asked Lena, both smiling at the attempted joke. Callie just blushed and stopped her movements.

"Okay, love, now that we're all settled. Let's talk." Stef starts. "First, that is not okay." at the two raised eyebrows she recieves Stef looks at Lena and fills her in "she has the water on as hot as possible and was burning her hands with it."

Lena then fully assesses her daughter, taking in the red rimmed eyes, and the still red hands. Her breath catches.

"Callie, you can't keep hurting yourself. Doing anything to purposefully cause yourself pain is not okay." Lena states firmly locking eyes with the girl. Callie drops her eyes before she responds.

"I didn't intend to. It just happened, I zoned out and didn't realize the water was that hot. I promise! I'm sorry." Callie is pleading to make them understand. Yes she was planning on hurting herself in the bathroom, just not like this. Either way she didn't like the thought of seeing pity or distrust in their eyes. She was already on a short enough leash. "It doesn't even hurt anymore. I'm fine!" Callie pushed, trying to keep from getting herself too worked up.

Moms share a look with each other, deciding they need to try to trust her for her to trust them in return.

"We believe you." Lena says and Callie lets out a breath.

"But we still have other things to talk about too." Stef says and Callie feels her heart dropping. Whydo they alwayswant to talk things through? It's not like they do, we hear the arguing, its not 'calmly talking' like they make us do. However, I don't know which i'd prefer. I know how to handle the yelling and anger, it's the compassion that confuses me.

"Yes, like when one of us calls for you, you need to answer. Whether it is at home or we text or call you. You know this, everyone follows this rule." Lena says. Everyone has the rule because it's important to be able to reach all the kids, especially if something happens.

"I know." Callie says looking down at her hands. "It won't happen again."

"Good." Stef says "And i know it's scary but there's nothing wrong with seeking comfort from us. You can't keep running from-"

Everyone pauses and all heads turn towards the door as they hear a knock. It's still to early for anyone to be awake. But the sound of another soft knock followed by a whispered "Moms?" unfreezes everyone in the room.

"Come in" the moms call in unison.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N- sorry it took me awhile to update, was on vacation but I'm back. Please let me know what you think. This is a short inbetween chapter.**

"Come in" the moms call in unison.

The door slowly opens to reveal Mariana with an apprehensive look on her face. She visibly relaxes once she sees Callie sitting on the bed.

"Oh" Mariana breathes out. "I woke up and rolled over and didn't see Callie in her bed. I just thought..." She left the thought there, everyone know what she thought. That Callie ran. Again.

"Honey" Lena starts. "We were in there earlier when she had a nightmare. I don't think mom or I realized you weren't fully awake. No one meant to scare you."

"Sorry." Callie mumbles. Earning a squeeze on her shoulder from Stef.

"Lets get you back to sleep sweets." Stef says slipping from the bed and giving Mariana an embrace. As they left towards the girls room the diminishing conversation was heard as they walked away 'I was worried she left again...' was carried by the young voice, followed by Stef's reassurances.

"She seemed really scared." Callie softly broke the silence after a few moments. Lena turned to face the girl, raising her head so their eyes met.

"Yes, she was. She was concerned you left again. We all would be heartbroken if anything happened to you. You are a part of this family and we all care what happens to you. You need to work on talking when something happens. Hiding isn't the answer. Running away isn't the answer. Hurting yourself isn't the answer. People need other people, and this family, we are your people. You have to let us in." Lena said firmly, keeping her eyes met with the ones shining with tear in front of her.

Callie looked away. She didn't realize her leaving effected everyone this much. To be honest she thought they would just move on and forget about her. Since she's been back she had guilt about that, until she got taken away by child services. That angered her, the whole time she was away she stewed. If they let her get taken they should've just let her run away. Lately she's just felt like she'll never get adopted, and that moms wouldn't care if she just aged out. They had Jude, what they really wanted and what she wanted for him. Her situation didn't matter anymore. Yeah, she loved the family but she didn't care what happened to herself anymore. She didn't care much about anything anymore. She was just going through the motions, doing what was expected, just waiting until she could go back to sleep. The emotions swirled.

Lena was watching the girl caught in her thoughts, she could practically see the thoughts rumbling. When it became apparent that the thoughts were heading into a negative direction she tried calling her name, receiving no reaction. After another attempt she placed her hand on the teens shoulder, resulting in her flinching away. It did work on bringing her back to the present.

"You okay?" Lena asked. Callie just nodded and avoided eye contact. Stef reentered moments later, sharing a concerned look with her wife.

"Bedtime for Bonzo" Stef announced with a flare, earning a smirk from both and a shake of her wifes head. They all knew the conversation was over but was hoping for at least a few moments of silence for the night. They slipped into bed, Callie between her moms. Some moments she remembered what it was like to feel content, this was one of those times.

Callie quickly fell asleep as her head hit the pillow. Looking over the teens head Stef and Lena shared a moment.

"Mariana okay?" Lena whispered.

"Yeah, she settled down after a quick cry. Shes terrified Callie will run again. I reassured her that Callie is her sister and we aren't letting her go anywhere."

"I think it finally hit her that we actually care and don't want her to leave. She seemed confused that she was worried about that. We really need to talk with her and reassure that she is ours."

"It would help if we had that piece of paper to confirm it." Stef whispered with a bit of an attitude, she was getting annoyed this was getting pushed off.

"We're working on it Love."

"I know. We should get some sleep. I love you."

"Love you too."

With that the moms settled in and drifted to sleep. Both moms were exhausted after the last few days, they slipped into a deep sleep. The rest of the night went well, everyone in the house stayed asleep until morning. Callie was the first one awake in the morning, recent events attacking her mind. She tried to roll over and go back to bed, not waking either woman beside her. Callie could feel the broken tweezers in her pocket digging into her leg, beckoning her to use them to relieve the pressure she could feel building.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. Let me know if you're still reading and want more. Hope you are well. I still don't own The Fosters or anything associated with them. Hope you enjoy.**

 _Previously: With that the moms settled in and drifted to sleep. Both moms were exhausted after the last few days, they slipped into a deep sleep. The rest of the night went well, everyone in the house stayed asleep until morning. Callie was the first one awake in the morning, recent events attacking her mind. She tried to roll over and go back to bed, not waking either woman beside her. Callie could feel the broken tweezers in her pocket digging into her leg, beckoning her to use them to relieve the pressure she could feel building._

"Stef" Callie whispered, facing towards the sleeping woman. "Stef" she whispered a bit louder, her desperation starting to seep into the words. She could feel the blunt letter digging in her leg, she wanted to use it so bad, but more than that she wanted Stef and Lena's trust. Callie felt guilty waking Stef as they hadn't gotten to sleep until late. But, if she had any hope of quelling the urge she needed help.

Finally, on the verge of tears she raised her cracking voice a little higher "mom!". Callie gasped at the word that slipped out, yes she started to think of them as her mothers but had yet to say that out loud. Even after that little argument they got in the other day when they called her their daughter. She got defensive because it felt too right to be in that role, even with the underlying terror that it could all be taken away again.

Whether it was the raising of her voice or the inadvertent slip of the tongue, Stef finally woke up. She thought she her one of her kids in trouble, of course she woke on the spot. Stef groggily opened her eyes to see Callie's brimming with tears. The look of pain and fear staring back at her quickly shook of any remaining sleep from the womans body.

"Sweets! What's wrong? What happened?" Stef asked, reaching out to pull the younger girl close. The action causing the metal to dig deeper into Callie's leg caused her to gasp and pull back. Stefs eyes filling with curiosity and concern. Callie carefully reached into her pocket, pulling out the tweezers and holding them out to Stef.

"Oh love" Stef sighed. "Did you...?" The question lingering in the air.

"Callie shook her head, letting a tear stream down her cheek. "I... I couldn't... I woke you... Instead..." Her breathing becoming more panicking as her head went though the possibilities of what could've happened. As well, going through what will happened if she gets taken. She doesn't know how she would survive how far she'd fall. Neither voice raised more than a whisper, it was as though the dark of the room and the calm of the air would shatter if their voices raised.

"Thank you love." Stef whispered, taking the metal from her hand and placing it on the bedside table behind her. "Thank you for waking me. For trusting me." She continued to whisper as she pulled Callie close. Callie was shaking in her arms, and holding on tightly. She hoped if she held on strong enough the thoughts and fears wouldn't wash her away. That she could hide from her demons in the womans grasp. Silence had settled on them for a few minutes, Callie trying to calm down and Stef releasing a few tears at seeing her daughter hurting.

Stef was so still the girl almost thought she had fallen back to sleep until she heard her whisper. "What do you need my love?" That simple question broke the flood gates, Callie started sobbing. Lena had been awake for a few moments, watching her wife and daughter. Once the crying started, she was rubbing circles on the girls back. _What do you need my love?_ She couldn't remember the last time someone asked what she needed. Or cared about the answer. But, to be honest, she didn't know what she needed right now. She felt so loved but felt it would be taken any minute. Yes the papers were in and they had their court date set, but what if it didn't work? What if they gave up? There was no way they could take away the fears until there was a legal piece of paper saying she was theirs. Life never worked out the way she wanted. She didn't know what would stop the itching beneath her skin, that electric desire for pain. But being wrapped up in their arms was a pretty good start.

Callie continued sobbing. She wished she could stop, its disgusting to be covered in tears and snot. Everything that has been building up was forcing for release and she was helpless to do anything beside lay there crying and holding on to Stef for dear life. She felt Lena stop rubbing her back and move off the bed, she turned her head not wanting the woman to leave.

"Its okay, honey. I'm not going anywhere, just getting you some water, okay?" Lena leaned over to place a kiss on the girls forehead. She nodded as best she could. Stef used the movement to position them sitting against the head of the bed, still curled up. Stef's arm went numb a good twenty minutes ago but she refused to move from the girls grasp.

Lena returned moments later with a small glass of water. "Take a sip, it will help" she whispered passing the glass to Callie. Her hand was shaking too much so Lena held the glass to the girls lips. She was focusing so much on trying to take a drink her body had no choice but to calm down. Finally the sobs turned to steady tears and gasping for air turned to hiccups.

"I don't know." Callie whispered.

"Don't know what?" Stef encouraged.

"You asked... What I... I don't know." Callie couldn't get her thoughts into a sentence.

"You don't know what you need?" Lena put together the sentence for her.

After a moment the cracking voice replied "yeah"

"Thanks okay, we'll figure it out together. You're not alone any more." Lena responded, rubbing her hand up and down the girls arm. She shared a glance with her wife, who took a deep breath, knowing they still need to tread carefully.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you for sticking with me. I apologize for the time between updates. If you get the chance let me know what you think or what you want to happen. Thanks.**

 _Previously:_ _"Thanks okay, we'll figure it out together. You're not alone any more." Lena responded, rubbing her hand up and down the girls arm. She shared a glance with her wife, who took a deep breath, knowing they still need to tread carefully._

If the guilt was enough, if the overwhelming shame was enough, if the desire to stop was enough, then no one would be addicted to anything. But, it's not. It's a complex spiral of fear and hate and grasping to straws of whatever helps you survive even though it's actually killing you.

The rest of the night was quiet, Callie fell back to sleep in the arms of the women. Stef and Lena dozed off feeling a little better that Callie woke them, that she came to them. Although they felt to have won a battle the rest of the war was still ahead.

As the kids got ready and went to school, Callie was going to stay home for another day. After the events of the night before she didn't fight it as she was grateful to get some more sleep. Stef had a later shift so she would be home in the morning then leave just before Lena came home with the other kids. Everyone was hoping the day would go well. Jude could sense the tension in his sister but figured he could wait to talk to her until after school.

Stef made a bit of a late breakfast for Callie, and that's when the tension snapped.

"Callie breakfast!" Stef called. Not hearing an answer she went up to her room where Callie was still laying on the bed. "Sweets, gotta get up for breakfast, then you can lay back down if you want."

"Not hungry" came the mumbled reply.

"Don't care, you have to eat at least a few bites. It'll make you feel better." The woman said as she removed the comforter from the girl.

"I said I'm not fucking hungry! Leave me alone!" Callie yelled reaching for the sheets.

"Whoa! Missy! Language!" Stef remanded. "You can't talk to me like that. And I asked you to come down and take a few bites, not eat a horse."

"Ugh, fine. Then will you leave me the hell alone?!" Callie spat with the most attitude she could muster.

"Sounds like you could use a nap this morning." Stef chuckled to herself, she could sense the tantrums as the girl tried to distance herself from the comfort she sought last night.

"Well, I'd still be asleep if you weren't forcing me to eat!" Callie argued.

"Okay, how about we have a quiet breakfast so you can get your thoughts together, then we can decide what we cant to do for the day." Stef set up a plan, not wanting either to say something they'd regret later. Callie didn't respond to that, just sat down pushing food around her plate.

It wasn't until Stef slipped her half a mug of coffee that the grimace came off the girls face and she mumbled a 'thank you'. Both were content sipping there coffee. Callie managed to take a few bites of toast after that. When it seemed breakfast was over they both moved to the living room with their mugs. The teen knew to take her time because she wouldn't be getting more that day.

They threw some cartoon on TV and relaxed into the couch. Stef kept looking over to make sure Callie was okay. After the night and the attitude this morning she was concerned. But, she appeared alright so Stefs eyes went back to the TV.

At first, Callie didn't even realize she was doing it. Scratching her arm. Not until she felt the skin ripping. But once she did she still kept going, making sure to not make any noticeable movements. She went past the point of her arm bleeding, she kept going until she couldn't handle the stinging pain anymore. Then, she moved a little higher on her arm and kept going. She was grateful for the sweatshirt she threw on before coming downstairs. Callie was trying to think of ways she can get around them. Yeah, she asked for help last night but that didn't make the thoughts go away.

Stef noticed something was up though, and it wasn't what they were watching. The shift in the demeanor of the teenager was a dead giveaway. Although she couldn't put her finger on it something was up. So she did the only thing should could think of until she new what the girl was planning.

Stef sent a quick check to Lena- "I think we need to do a skin check tonight. Instinct. xo"

The reply came quickly later- "Okay my love. Stay safe, both of you. Xo"

With that Stef settled back trying to think of what the girl could be planning. Little did she know that it was too late to stop the plan that was already in motion.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N- This chapter kind of squishes things together, but is needed so I can get to something I want to write playing around in my head. I know it's short but I'm trying to update more frequently. Thank you to whoever is still reading/following/reviewing. Please let me know what you think or if there's something you want to see me tackle. Prayers for the world.**

 _With that Stef settled back trying to think of what the girl could be planning. Little did she know that it was too late to stop the plan that was already in motion._

Callie fell asleep next to Stef on the couch partway through the movie, the older woman was right behind her. When Lena and the kids came in the house hours later the chatter woke them up. Stef went to get the mail, Callie entered the kitchen to help Lena start dinner. She wanted to be productive and help out to make up for the stress she feels responsible for bringing in the house.

Stef returned flipping through the mail, adding bills to their stack and throwing away junk mail when she came upon an envelope of interest. The return address was for the county family court, must have to do with Callies upcoming adoption. Opening the envelope she sees they finally have a date, less than a week away. Stef breathes a sigh of relief as she hands the paper to Lena.

Lena reads the court date and releases a small smile, soon everything will be official. Both moms think that that will help Callie's state of mind. Although the anticipation may make things worse this next week, they are fairly confident the girl will finally get adopted this time. They whisper to each other if they should keep it secret until right before to keep some calm, but Callie had been asking if they heard anything from the courts. They also decide that they'll make the announcement at dinner. They also make quick mention that they have to talk with Callie later tonight.

Dinner progressed as usual. Mariana talking up a storm about everything at school. Jude talked about things he was planning with Connor, and how classes were. Brandon threw in tidbits of his day. Callie was quiet, but that was becoming more common each day, but no less worrisome. Once everyone finished their plates the moms shared a look and Lena spoke up.

"So. We have a little announcement to make." Lenas statement receives confused glances from the kids.

"Yes, we were thinking about waiting to tell you all but think you should know." Stef says reaching for her wifes hand.

"Don't worry guys, it's good." Lena affirms to hopefully decrease the tension thats suddenly appeared.

Taking a deep breath the women blurt out together "We have a court date for the adoption!" Silence lingers as everyones eyes wander to Callie. She stares at the table refusing to meet anyones gaze.

"That's good, right?" Jude asks Lena "Then she'll be officially adopted?"

"Yeah, bud. Then she'll be officially adopted." Stef chimed in. Lena gave her wife a glance reminding her they don't make promises they can't keep.

"We're going to do everything we can to make sure Callie is adopted next week and if it doesn't happen then we will try again. But your sister is already adopted in our hearts, this is just a piece of paper."

"A piece of paper that means a lot!" Mariana jumps in before realizing she made the comment out loud.

"Mari!" Stef exclaimed. "Yes it helps provide some security but it's a formality, Callie already is one of us."

Brandon just stared across the table at Callie, too caught up in the emotions of the possible adoption to make any comments. Callie never let her head raise from the table. Finally, she pushed from the table, not looking up.

"May I be dismissed from the table, please?" Callie whispered out as she was already taking small steps back.

"Of course love." Lena stated while having a silent conversation with Stef. Someone had to check on the girl, the other had to handle these kids and clean up. Lena made her way out of the kitchen and swiftly up the stairs. Stef doled out nightly chores and made sure everyone knew to come to them with any questions and let Callie process this on her own.

Jude went to take the trash bag outside as he stopped Stef in the hall. "She, uh, she will get adopted this time, right?" Jude asked quietly.

"We're doing everything we can to make sure of it." Stef said, wrapping Jude in a hug. "How about you bring that garbage out, then once everyone finished their chores, if homework is done we can have a family movie night."

"Yes! I finished my maths right before dinner! Thanks mom!" Jude said heading for the door to finish his chore and helps the others to get to movie time faster. Stef took the opportunity of busy children to head upstairs and check on her wife and oldest daughter.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N- thanks for the responses/favs/follows. Heres another chapter. Hope you enjoy. Let me know what you're thinking and if there's anything you want to see. This chapter is definitely more ooc than some of the others. Thanks for reading.**

 _Jude said heading for the door to finish his chore and helps the others to get to movie time faster. Stef took the opportunity of busy children to head upstairs and check on her wife and oldest daughter._

When Callie left the table she headed straight for her room, curling up under her comforter. It's not that it was cold but the darkness provided an unparalleled sense of comfort. She proceeded to let herself break down. Yes, she was happy for the chance to finally get adopted but she was terrified she wouldn't be able to survive another denial. Callie was also hoping she didn't shoot herself in the foot with the video she had posted, that still no one knew about.

Moments later there was a gentle knock at the door, the girl didn't even bother to respond. Lena let herself in, approaching the bed and softly sitting on the edge. It broke her heart to see her daughter crying, although she understood the court date was going to be hard.

"Sweetheart" Lena cooed while lifting the blanket and pulling Callie into her arms, situating her back against wall. Instead of fighting, the girl grasped onto the woman. Trying to stall her tears just made her panic more, she couldn't be seen this weak and vulnerable. Then again she never got to be a kid, sometimes she just needs comfort too. However juvenile she looked or felt at that moment, she didn't care. The fear of what the judge will say ruled her emotional state at the moment. Lena just held the girl close, wishing she could have been there to comfort her when her parents died, that she could already be adopted, more than anything that she could protect her from the world.

"My love, you need to take a few deep breaths okay?" Lena kept her voice low and calm while rocking the girl gasping in her arms. "It's okay to cry and be scared and whatever else you're feeling, but you need to breathe."

For her part Callie was trying, but panic was still taking over her basic functions. She was grasping onto whatever could ground her, literally as Lena's shirt was held in her fists. The tears were still falling, she she was trying to breathe as the world was turning blurry.

"Breathe with me" Lena encouraged as she took some deep breaths, finally the girl started following suit. "You're doing great. In... Out... Great job my love. Just keep breathing."

After a few moments between the deep breaths and the steady rocking Callie dozed off in the womans arms.

Lenas heart broke at the situation, she didn't think the news would be taken so hard. She was also worried that the adoption would be turned down again, but more than that she was hopeful that this would be past them and the adoption would be approved. Clearly the girl didn't share that hope.

Moments later the door squeaked open again and Stef entered. "How's it going in here?" Stef whispered.

"She finally fell asleep after a panic attack" Lena whispered. "She's still got me in a death grip, but if it helps her feel better, I don't mind."

"She talk at all?" Stef said scooting up on the bed next to her wife, rubbing circles on the girls back.

"Never got the chance love."

"We need to talk with her before she works herself up more." Stef stated.

"You're right." Lena said while removing the girls hands from her shirt. "Honey, you have to wake up." she said while brushing hair from Callie's face.

"Sleeeeep" The girl whined. "No wake, mommy" She mumbled while curling back into the woman. Stef couldn't help but to laugh at the antics, it wasn't often enough they got to see their daughter uninhibited.

"Baby, you have to wake up." Stef encouraged "We need to have a talk." Callie, though still dazed, sat up while staying on Lena, she didn't want to move from the comfort being provided.

"Can you tell us what you're thinking bug?" Lena asked. Callie just shook her head, not trusting words when she was trying not to start crying again. The tears started to fall again despite her best efforts to hold them back.

"It's scary, yes? Having another court date so soon?" Stef started, Callie giving a little nod. "But, its a good scary. It's a heart beating fast but after it's over you're happy you did it scary. Because after this is over it will all be official." She continued, the girl just shrugged.

"Are you afraid to get adopted?" Lena asked, the was a head shake. "You're afraid he'll say no?" A nod was the only response.

"Callie. You have to look at me because this is very important." Stef was stern while catching the teens eyes. "Even if he said no, which he will not, we will not stop until you are adopted. You are our daughter and we will not let you go."

"He's going to say no and take me away." Callie whispered, barely audible.

"He's not going to. And even if the judge says no, you're not going anywhere, our fostering license is renewed." Stef tried to calm the girl.

"You don't understand." Callie was getting herself worked up again.

"Take a deep breath then try to tell us what you mean then."

"I did something. He's not going to like it."

Sharing a concerned look with her wife Lena couldn't help but ask "what did you do?"

Getting off the bed Callie grabbed her laptop and loaded the page. She handed the machine over to the women, crawled back on the bed and wrapped herself in the blanket, refusing to sit close enough to the women for contact. At that moment she felt like she deserved to be alone, she was worried about their reaction but knew this would mess everything up.

The moms grasped hands, and together they hit play.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N- Thanks for the favs/follows/reviews. Please let me know what you think. So the moms watched the video. uh oh. Let's see how that goes.**

When Callies voice faded away from the speakers, the screen turning black. Silence engulfed the room. Callie was holing her breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. She knows she messed it up.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!" Stef yelled as she jumped from the bed and started pacing frantically. After a pointed glare from her wife she started mumbling to herself.

"That I am sick of this and I'm not giving him power any more." Callie said with a plead in her voice.

"It was rhetorical." Stef groaned.

"Then don't ask stupid questions" Callie grumbled.

"Now is not the time for you're attitude" Stef quipped.

For her part Callie stayed frozen on the bed next to Lena, she may have sounded like she was confident. But honestly, a raging pacing Stef scared her. The woman next to her turned to her, gaining her focus.

"I'm not going to lie, this is not good." Lena started. "But, its not going to stop anything. We will adopt you. Do you know how many people viewed this?"

"Uhm..." Callie said taking the laptop back "Looks like a few thousand. Whoa, I didn't think that many people would see this." Callie said the last part to herself more than Lena.

"Well, you better take it down this second!" Stef piped back in. Rather than causing her to back down it ignited a fire in the girl.

"NO! I will not!" Callie said, throwing back the blanket from around herself.

"You both need to take a step back and breathe." Lena encouraged as the breath of reason

"This is not for discussion. You will remove it now!" Stef growled, ignoring her wifes plea while staring down the girl.

"Or what?" The teen said with attitude lacing her voice.

"Or... Or I'll take away electronics and ground you for a month!" Stef said trying to think on her feet. She was so enraged she didn't care about the look she got from her wife, just the eye roll she got from the teen.

"Don't you dare roll your eyes at me missy! This is my house, you follow my rules, and you will remove that video!" Stef demanded

"Like hell I will." Callie said starting to move off the bed. "Fine, your house. Then, I'll leave and then none of it will matter anyway."

"You aren't going anywhere!" Stef said positioning herself in front of the door."Just take the video down."

"No! I finally, FINALLY, have a voice. You will not take that from me!" She argued while starting to remove herself from the bed, only being stopped by Lena's gentle arm on her shoulder.

"Both of you need to take a breath." Lena repeated as she stood, placing herself between the two.

"Moms!" Was heard being yelled from the stairs "The movie is all set! Come on!"

"Coming!" Stef yelled back then turned to the two by the bed. She gave her wife a look _fine, you deal with it_. "Can't say no to movie time. We'll start and see you down there in a few, yes?"

"Of course love. Take a breathe first though." Lena placed a chaste kiss on her wife's lips. "It's going to be okay." She tried to reassure her wife and herself.

Stef took a breath to calm herself and quickly made her way back downstairs.

"She'll be okay, she's just worried. We both are." Lena said as she turned and approached the girl.

"All." Callie whispered.

"What honey?" She said sitting back on the bed.

"All." She stated a bit louder. "you said you're both worried but that's not it. We're all worried. But I'm still not going to take it down." Callie said with more conviction.

"I'm not going to make you." The woman stated simply. At the raised eyebrow she received in response she continued. "Chances are the judge already saw the video, and even if it's deleted, nothing from the internet really goes away."

"So I shot myself in the foot before I realized it was attached to my leg?"

"Basically." Lena laughed. "I am proud of you though, for standing your ground. Although the way you went about this call to arms was a bit unorthodox."

"So, you aren't mad?" Callie asked, wondering why she seemed to be handling the situation so well.

"I'm frustrated at the situation. The WHOLE situation, and this does add an extra crick to things but like always we will get through it as a family. We don't even know what will happen anyway, maybe he'll say yes and this won't even be an issue." Lena said trying to wish it into reality.

"Yeah, right" Callie scoffed. "maybe."

"Well, we're missing a perfectly good movie downstairs." Lena said patting the girls leg and getting up.

"Oh, right. Hope they chose a new movie this time, we've watched the same one the last three times in a row." Callie said getting up as well.

"That happens around here and don't worry about Stef, she'll get over it." The woman said as she pulled the girl into a side hug and they made their way to join the rest of the family downstairs.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N- Thanks for the favs/follows/reviews. I appreciated responses to last chapter, they really do motivate me to write more. So in turn here is another chapter. Yes, i know last chapter Stef was OOC with actually yelling like that but i needed it for a bit of banter to occur in this one. Please let me know what you're thinking or want to see. Hope you enjoy.**

 _"That happens around here and don't worry about Stef, she'll get over it." The woman said as she pulled the girl into a side hug and they made their way to join the rest of the family downstairs._

The movie went on quietly, everyone paying attention or lost in their own thoughts. Stef was feeling guilty for yelling at Callie, she was just scared for something to go wrong again. Lena was concerned for both her wife and daughter for how things played out upstairs. Yes her wife was hotheaded but didn't usually yell at their kids like that. Callie was thinking if she should take down the video even if Lena said she didn't have to. She was just tired of everyone else having control of her life, she wanted to stand her ground for once. The rest of the kids were more or less engulfed in the action scenes playing before them. Brandon seemed to not be bothered that anything might be awry. Jude stole worried glances to his sister but she seemed fairly calm so he was going to let it go for now and talk to her later. Mariana had been wondering what the video she overheard Stef yelling about earlier, but figured she'd find out in time.

As the end credits played everyone cleaned up the drinks and popcorn, the moms reminding them that it was still a school night so they had to head to bed. Brandon and Mariana swiftly took for the stairs while Jude pulled Callie to the side.

"You okay bud?" She asked, concerned

"Yeah. Are you? There was yelling, are you getting sent away?" He mumbled, afraid to voice his fears.

"I'm not going anywhere" She tried to convince herself as well as him. "We just had a little disagreement, that's all."

"Oh. Okay." The younger voice replied, not sure if her should believe her or not. "You just seem off lately, then the yelling. I was just worried."

"No need to worry, you're stuck with me forever" She said with a slight smile "Now come on, lets go to bed before we get them riled" they both let out a little laugh and headed for the stairs.

"Callie, could you come here a second" Stef called from the kitchen.

"Forgot to wash my bowl" Callie tried to lighten the mood as she headed towards the woman and Jude ascended the staircase.

Callie quietly entered the kitchen, she was getting ready for the argument to start again. Stef stopped drying the dished at the site of the girl.

"I wanted to apologize for earlier." Stef started, receiving a confused look. "I shouldn't have gotten mad and yelled at you like that. Honestly, it scared me in that the video might cause problems for the adoption. It's not going to stop us wanting you or fighting for you, but I'm ready for the official piece of paper and don't want that to get in the way."

"I'm sorry too, I probably shouldn't have posted it. But I'm tired of everyone else making decisions for me, Just because he is a judge doesn't mean he should get away with making these decisions and not caring what I think. It's my life and I want control of it back." Callie explained with an exasperated sigh.

"I know you do and you should have a say." Stef placed the dishes down and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Lets just go along with it for another week, then once the adoption is done you can say whatever you want."

"Hmm... whatever I want?" Callie laughed at the face that changed before her.

"Well, within reason. Still no swearing." The both released a chuckle.

"Deal. I should get going to bed." She said heading for the stairs.

"Good idea, you do have school in the morning. And the drop in center after school, right?"

"Uhm. About that." The teen dropped her head to her feet and mumbled the last few words "I got fired."

"What'd you say? You know I don't like mumbling." Stef questioned.

"Your hearing going already?" Callie quipped.

"Hey, I'm not old!" Stef joked back. "Now, what was it you mumbled?"

"I, uh, I'm not working at the drop in center anymore."

"Why's that sweets?" Lena asked from the doorway, after neither had gone upstairs she came down looking for her wife.

"I got fired." Callie said while dropping her head.

"How long ago was this?" Stef questioned.

"A week or so ago" Came the meek reply.

"What happened?" She was asked while being led to sit on a stool.

"Well, there was this kid. He seemed okay, he just needed some help. So I let him in after we closed so he'd have a place to sleep for the night. I was just trying to help out. Then when I went back in the morning he was nowhere to be seen, and the cabinet was broken into, things were missing. He just needed some help." She started rambling until a hand landed on her forearm.

"Sweets, I know you think this kid just needed a break, but that was a dangerous thing to do. You should have called me or someone for help. You don't need to take on the world by yourself." Stef responded softly.

"I know. But he didn't want me to tell anyone."

"I know your intentions were good but that doesn't make what you did okay. You need to follow the rules. You did get fired but we also need to add some re-enforcement." Lena added in.

"Okay? Like what?" She questioned.

"I think a grounding is fair. One week, school and home only, no video games. If you don't follow the rules then you get time added on." Lena said while talking to Stef who nodded back.

"Really? I already got fired and you're going to ground me too! How does what I did there effect you guys?" Callie was tired and easily annoyed at this point, she couldn't understand why they had to add to her punishment.

"First, you didn't tell us when it happened. You kept it a secret from us. So where have you been after school for the past week when we thought you were there?" The only response was a shrug of the shoulders.

"You should know by now you don't have to keep secrets from us. But clearly we have to bond more to get you to realize that. What better way then staying home with us?" Stef ended with a laugh that callie couldn't help but smirk at.

"Okay Love" Lena placed a kiss on her forehead and ushered the teen to the stairs "Time for bed, you're back to school in the morning."

When the woman turned back around Stef was leaning on the door frame with a smile smile on her face "What are we going to do with her?" Lena just laughed and went about turning off the lights to head upstairs for the night. Both momentarily forgetting the discussion they were originaly planning to have with the girl that evening.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N- Sorry it's been too long, there's not adequate excuse. So this chapter is more Lena and Callie. TW for self harm, read carefully and stop if you need to. I don't know if anyone is still reading this so let me know what you think if you are. I still don't own the Fosters, just use them to create my own stories. Hope you enjoy.**

Stef and Lena were in their room getting changed for the night.

"I can't believe we forgot" Stef mumbled to herself.

"What was that Love" Lena asked as she wrapped her arms around her wife, resting her head on the other womans shoulder.

"we forgot to talk with Callie about whatever was going on this morning. We need to see if she did anything else to hurt herself today." Stef responded.

"Lets give her the night, we can check her out in the morning." Lena responded as they settled down to bed. "She's had a stressful enough day already and needs some sleep."

"Sounds good, you're right. Love you."

"Love you too" with that the moms drifted off to sleep.

Callie was still stirring in the other room. Yeah, she napped through the day but now that the sun was down her mind wouldn't stop. She started thinking of everything that could go wrong with the new court date, of anything she can blame on herself if she doesn't get adopted this time. It just spiraled darker from there, to how the family would be better without her, how maybe it'll be good for the family if she got sent away so she wouldn't mess up their lives.

Before she realized it she was hyperventilating. She threw the sheets off herself and tried to scramble to the bathroom, wanting to distract herself from the thoughts. To bleed out the negativity. She knew she was on close watch now, especially with them finding out about being fired from the center and getting grounded for that, which she still didn't understand why she was getting punished for that. She wasn't ready to let them know about how she was spending that spare time either.

She fumbled down the hall to the other bathroom, as she knew the 'kids' bathroom didn't have any supplies for her in there anymore. She made it in and slammed the door behind her, clawing through under the cabinet until she found the broken razors she hid there. Laying back on the cool tile she held the sharp metal in her hand, already feeling better just from the weight in her hand. After a few moments with the thoughts not slowing she got to work on her leg, the actions rushed and angry. Finally slowing down and dropping the razor, she started inspecting what she did.

She was so caught up in the rush she didn't hear the knock on the door or her name being softly called. She didn't hear the door being pushed slowly open or the gasp from the intruder. It wasn't until she saw a towel being placed on her leg over the wounds did she recognize she wasn't alone. She jumped at the contact, and her face flushed at being caught like this.

"L-L-Lena?... What?..." Callie stumbled on the words.

"I heard someone was awake." Lena responded softly. "What happened?"

Callie know she was asking what caused her to need to do this to herself, it was very obvious what happened as she was sitting there with the tool next to her. But, in her panicked state she decided to play dumb.

"Uh, we got a cat?" Callie joked trying to lighten the dark mood in the room.

"We both know that's a lie. I mean what caused you to turn to this?" Lena gently pushed.

"I don't know" Callie mumbled not wanting to talk.

"Yes you do, come on Love" Lena responded as she checked the site to see if the blood flow stopped. Hoping that not looking the girl in the eyes would help her to talk.

"Everything I guess. Mostly the court thing. Then I started thinking the family would be better off if I got taken away again." Callie whispered, afraid of the reaction that she might get.

"Oh honey. You know that's not true. We need you here, you are part of this family, always." Lena started to get to work cleaning up the girls leg. Callie just shrugged in response.

"Why don't you believe me?" Lena asked after noticing the shrug.

"I always mess everything up. Why would you want me?"

"We'll always want you because you're our daughter, and everyone messes up sometimes. You're growing up, you're supposed to make mistakes so you can learn from them. You have a right to be yourself, to be proud. To make mistakes, life is messy sometimes. That's why you need family, to help you get through the messy times. That's why you need to come to us and talk to us, you're not alone anymore." Lena stated as she finished up her first aid.

"I'm trying." Callie mumbled.

"I know you are." Lena encouraged with a small smile, finally catching Callie's eye. "It just hurts knowing one of my children are hurting and there's nothing I can do about it until you are willing to let me in."

"I'm sorry"

"Nothing to be sorry about Sweetie" Lena states as she stands up and offers a hand to the girl. "Now do you want some tea before heading upstairs or want to go back to bed?"

"uhm. Can I maybe go sleep in your room?" Callie asked shyly "I mean, never mind, that's stupid. I'm too old. Forget I said anything." The girls voice started speeding up as she tried to back track.

"No, it's fine. You can always sleep in our bed if you need. You know the other kids sometimes do too. It's fine and definitely not stupid." Lena encouraged as she placed her hand on the small of the girls back, leading her to their room. "I want you to know you can always come to me about anything, especially if you feel like you want to hurt yourself. I'm always here for you, day or night."

"Thanks."

They got settled in the bed, Stef rolling over and whispering a "Hi" as she fell back asleep. Callie curled up into Lenas side as she just wanted to be close to someone, as if that could fight away the bad thoughts.

Lena placed a kiss on the girls forehead, whispering "Goodnight my sweet girl. I love you, never forget that."

"love you too Mama" The girl whispered as she drifted into sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

**a/n- i have no excuses, sorry. hope to update soon and yes i know this is ooc but i did warn you in the discription. As always i do not own the fosters or any of their characters. let me know what you think.**

Callie startled awake, not quite sure what set her heart racing. She was alone in the room and guessed someone in the house dropped something. Even though her heart rate spiked she felt safe, she was in her moms bed and it still smelled of them. Stef had left a sweatshirt for her folded on the edge of the bed, she smiled to herself as she pulled it on.

Walking down the steps she stopped and let out a little gasp as he arm slid across her leg, for a moment she had forgotten the day before. Trying to push it from her mind she made it downstairs to the kitchen, mind still running.

"Morning sweets" Stef said over the newspaper in her hand. As Lena was making pancakes on the stove.

"morning mom" callie mumbled back too lost in her own thoughts to notice her slip. Stef just smirked, glad for the moment. Anytime Callie recognized her or Lena as her moms was a win.

"Can I have some coffee please?" Callie pleaded, sometimes they'd give in and let her have half a cup. Usually stef gave in if Lena wasn't around.

"Sorry kid, but you can have a sip of mine." Stef said passing her cup, callie took the longest sip she could savoring the flavor.

"Thanks." Callie said meekly as she passed the cup back.

"Wow you drank half the cup!" Stef joked taking the mug back.

After a few moments of silence Lena spoke up.

"We need to have a talk today love. After breakfast please meet us in our room." Lena said. After seeing the girls face she added "I promise you're not in trouble."

Breakfast went on with the usual banter from all the kids, Callie quiet wondering what they wanted to talk to her about. The twins got to work on dishes as Callie made her way to the room with both women in tow.

"Okay sweets" Stef started. "This isn't an easy conversation but we both want you to know we love you very much."

"And we are looking out for your best interests even if you think we're not" Lena added.

"We know yesterday was a rough day and we want to make sure you're okay" Stef took over.

"So we need you to show us your arms and legs to check for any new injuries." Lena concluded.

"What?! NO! that's a total invasion of privacy!" Callie was started to get angry. "You can't do that! You have no right to ask me to do that!"

"Sweets." Stef kicked in "calm down, take a breath. We just want to see what happened and make sure it doesn't get infected."

"What makes you think anything happened?"

"are you denying it? Look me in the eye and tell me nothing happened."

"Uhm."

"Exactly. Now do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?" At this Lena gently put her hand on Stefs arm reminding her they're the adults here.

"Really?" Callie retorted "It's fine. I know how to take care of myself"

"We know you can, but you don't need to anymore. We want to help you and be your moms, your only responsibility in this house is to be a kid." Lena encouraged.

"Fine!" Callie said pulling up her sleeve showing the angry scratches that covered her arm. Then swiftly pulled her sleeve back down and headed for the door.

Stefs booming cop voice stopped her as her hand was wrapped around the handle "Stop right there young lady!"

Callie was frozen, she didn't move she was barely remembering to breathe. She had this feeling in the pit of her stomach that she just screwed everything up and all she wanted to do was run. That tone of voice made her expect whatever punishment was coming next. To be honest she thought back to a foster mother that broke her arm once and she could feel that pain again. She knew logically she was safe in this house but right now her mind was not in this house.

So when a hand was placed down in her shoulder she jumped higher than ever before and dropped to the floor curling up in a tight ball and waited, holding her breath, for that first inevitable kick to come reigning down.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I honestly forgot about this story until i got a message asking if I'd finish. It's been a year, I apoogize for taking so long. Please let me know if anyone's still reading and if you want me to go on. Enjoy. Read safely as this story contains mention of self harm.**

 **I still own nothing, just taking the characters for a stroll.**

The teen is curled up as tight as possible on the floor, unable to breath in both fear and anticipation of the first blow.

"Sweetie" Callie finally hears the words, she doesn't know how long she lost stuck in her head with terrible memories. "Callie", she lets out a shaky breath.

"Open your eyes sweetie" Lena says in the calmest voice she can muster, both mothers concerned about the turn of events. The girl just squeezes her eyes together tighter. "Please." Stef beckons and finally the girl slowly opens her eyes.

Both women are kneeling in front of the crouched teen, concern clearly etched on both their faces. However, she does not see the worry as her eyes are glued to the ground, shame creeping up her cheeks at the reaction.

"I'm sorry I raised my voice" Stef apologizes, surprising Callie whose eyes dart up, brown meeting blue. Callie can't help the tear that drops down her face while she remain silent, giving a slight nod in acknowledgement.

"Honey, let's get you up off this floor." Lena comments, starting to move to help the girl up and move towards the bed on unsteady legs. Both women assisting in the slow movement, glancing at each other with more concern that Callie has yet to say anything.

Perched on the edge of the bed Callie is sandwiched between the women, far enough to not be touching but close enough to provide comfort if needed. Callie drops her head down, hair veiling her face.

The silence linger for moments which feel like years. Finally Stef speaks, "you know we have a lot to talk about, but first I want to make sure you're alright." She starts, wanting the trembling teen to respond in some way. Before she can finish Callie reaches down and slowly slides up her sleeve again, misinterpreting what Stef was actually trying to say.

Going with the moment Lena gently takes the forearm in her hand, scanning the scrapes. She quietly gets up and obtains a damp wash cloth from the bathroom, cleaning the area. Softly, she pulls the sleeve back down, the teen not moving at all.

As the silence stretches on so does the concern in the pit of everyone's stomach. Callie's fear of the reaction to come, the women's fear of the sudden detachment.

"Talk to us Calliebug. What's going on in that head of yours?" Stef asks with a tap to the teens forehead.

"I'm sorry" Callie says in barely a whisper.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Lena says in a firm yet gentle tone.

"I have everything to be sorry for. I screwed up. And I jumped, I know you wouldn't hit me but I couldn't help it" The teens speech getting faster and more animated with each word, her breath coming more rapidly.

"Shh. Just take a deep breath." Stef encourages while Lena rubs gentle circles on her back. "You shouldn't have tried to leave like that but we understand that you were scared. Although, never again try to leave when we're talking with you. Okay?"

"Yes" Callie again whispers with a cracking voice. "I'm sorry."

"We already told you, you haven't a need to apologize." Lena says. "Now what's been going on? You were doing quite well."

"I don't know. Thoughts just happen, and then they get worse and spiral and I get confused and I can't help it."

"That's when you need to talk to us love, we can help unjumble things. And if we can't then we can just hold you until everything calms down so you don't have to do this to yourself."

Callie nods her head and leans into Lena as a kiss is pressed to the side of her head. She is then swiftly pulled into a hug, which she returns tightly, and the addition of Stefs arms wrap around her as well. Call is feeling like this is the first time she can actually breathe all evening.

That's the position they remain in when moments later, the tears Callie has been holding back break loose and she sobs into her mothers arms. The whole day, heck the whole week, catching up with her and everything she has is coming out in anguishing cries.

Nearly twenty minutes later, being rocked in comforting arms, Callies cries die down to whimpers and sniffles. The exhaustion stops her from protesting when being tucked in the center of the bed, quickly drifting off to sleep with a pillow clutched in her arms.

Stef and Lena head to the bathroom to get ready for the day. "She looks so broken." Lena comments with a glance back to their daughter. "She'll get better though, with the help of all of us and her therapist, she'll get better." Stef recognized her wifes concern as it was one they shared.

"I just wish I could hold the pieces together. Give her back all those pieces people stole from her over the years." Lena continued, holding onto her wife, seeking comfort.

"Me too my love, me too". Stef whispered as she held just as tightly back into the embrace.


End file.
